The Classification of Birds

As much as I enjoy birds, I'll never make the mistake of thinking that I know better for them than they know for themselves, that any of them would be better off living in my world than in their own (except under the most special of circumstances). See, I've got an informal system of classification for birds that accomplishes one very important thing: it keeps me from thinking of them in anthropomorphic terms.

In my way of thinking any bird can be classified in one of three ways:

1. Those that would like nothing more than to get and stay far away from me. That group is primarily passerines and waterfowl.


2. Those that would like nothing more than to kill and/or eat me, given the right circumstances. For most birds (scavengers, most raptors, corvids), that consideration is limited to what would happen if I dropped dead in the street. There are birds that would think nothing of attacking/killing me if I were to get too close to their nests... or maybe if they're just in a bad mood (it may not be emotion like we experience it, but don't think for a second that a bird doesn't have an emotional life)... like Snowy Owls or any of the ratites.


3. Parrots. Most of the parrots I've met (all hatched in captivity) actually like the company of people, or at least don't mind us... especially if we're willing to hand over a walnut or two.

I would put the bird in today's doodle in the second group, the would kill/eat you as soon as look at you group, but not because it's an omnivore (it is, by the way... most birds are).


The Southern Cassowary (Casuarius casuarius) is a ratite, a large, flightless bird related to Ostriches and Emu, from Indonesia, Australia and New Guinea. It's fairly tall and has a sharp claw that it can use for defense. Oh, right, and the horn on its head... please, how could this bird not be descended from dinosaurs? The Cassowary doesn't eat large game, so technically I should probably put it in the first group... but it's capable of killing a person. In other words, if you chase it it'll run, but you'd better watch out if it decides to turn on you.

Best just to give this guy a wide berth.

Doodled from this photo.